Always Consensual in Byron Bay

So Byron Bay was awesome. About 45 minutes from campus, it is in New South Wales, not Queensland, and is in a different time zone. It was a bit bizarre to drive for 45 minutes and have to set your watch ahead an hour. But how to best describe Byron? Picture Seattle circa 1990. Now picture a hippie commune. Finally add a dash of a expensive resort masquerading as a simple, quaint beach town. Voila—Byron Bay.

We took surfing lessons there, and the guys running our lesson (Sean and Kyle) fulfilled every surfer stereotype I could drum up. After being driven to the beach in the company VW van, pumping reggae the whole time, we commenced learning to surf. I will spare you the details of my not-so-exciting triumphant 0.8 second stand on my board, but will explain the man, nay, the legend, that is Kyle.

Kyle our surf instructor is hard to describe. With hair that has never met scissors or a brush it liked and a manner that suggests he has never met a marijuana plant he DIDN’T like, Kyle seemed to struggle with retaining information for more that 2.8 seconds. For example, after meeting Jackie and me and teaching us how to surf, he, at three other points in the day asked Jackie and me if we were interested in learning how to surf. “Well, Kyle, that’s very generous, but for the umpteenthmillion time, YOU’VE ALREADY TAUGHT US TO SURF!” Man is a walking, “This is your brain on drugs,” ad. However, in a redeeming moment, 32 year old Kyle confirmed that when he picks up 17 and 18 year old girls at the pub, it is always consensual. That’s wonderful Kyle. You are not a raper.

But, really, I’m being a bit too hard on Kyle. He did provide us with some helpful information. For example, the park in the center of town is the best place to buy weed, and if we are looking for an “easy lay,” we should peruse the pub called “The Cheeky Monkey.” Thanks Kyle; you’re true blue.

More Cultural Moments Down Under:

-DO NOT ORDER DIET COKE. Unless you enjoy the flavo(u)r of coke and dark rum minus the taste-bud numbing effects of the rum. However, the Coke Zero is normal (God Bless America)

-An Aussie is insulted if they are called a “POM” or a “POMMIE” (a Brit). Aussies will insult any rude Canadians by asking them if they are American. I investigated this, and there is speculation the term began as, "POHM," for "Prisoner of Her Majesty," as in the criminals sent to Australia from England.

-There is a place called, “Fruit World,” about 30 minutes from campus. It sounds like Willy Wonka World minus the risk of adult onset diabetes. Like, “A Fun and Fibrous Adventureland!”