EXTRA! EXTRA! Read All About It!

So, in lieu of my absence, I am doubling the fun of my last post with a guest blog from ::drumroll::

The One...

The Only...

The Amazon...

JESSICA NICHOLAS! Enjoy!

(Jess Writes...)


In essence, Jackie, Caitlin, and I are a package deal, hence the reason that 1) I spent approx $1500 on plane tickets for 7 days, 2) I get the privilege of being asked to write this “guest blog entry”.

Let me start out by saying that travel, in general, sucks. The exception to this rule, you ask? When you are going to freakin AUSTRALIA! As I strode into Logan well hydrated wearing my comfy stretch pants, representing the NY Giants on the top, and sporting a huge shit-eating grin, I was positively gleeful! This may or may not have led to some INNOCENT flirting with Fernando, the Latin lover airline guy. Sweetheart that he was, issued me a free (illegal) visa, waved my 63lb mongo bag through, and promised me orchids on my 21 and 24 month birthday. Who says Americans aren’t friendly?

One of my friends wished me uneventful travels before I left. Looking back uneventful is not quite the word I’d use. We managed to enrage a grand total of two middle aged women. I don’t know what we did! It could have been the seat change; or my us describing one said angry woman as the mousy brunette that needs a facelift; or maybe it was me eagerly showing Cait how my new iPod changes songs with a simple flick of the wrist, which led to me accidently slamming my fist on the armrest, crying in pain, and bursting into hysterical laughter for the next seven minutes; or maybe it was the endless fits of giggles that followed one of us saying I feel like a _____in a China shop. Well, it’s all fun and games until you get shushed and yelled at librarian-style by an irate crazy woman sitting in front of you. Unfortunately, this inspired me enlisting some backup from one of the Holy Cross second baseman (?) sitting in front of us, which caused even more childish fits of laughter.

After sprinting to my connection in LA, an uneventful 14-hour flight without Cait, three DELICIOUS Quantas meals, and a short flight to the gold coast later I was literally tackled by Jackie in Coolangata airport. Of course, my luggage got lost so after about 12 minutes of three-way hugs we arranged for my bags to be delivered. After about 28 “no worries” I began to realize how incredibly agreeable, laid back and nice, or as an Aussie would say, lovely, Australian people are.

My first few days in Australia were spent at Bond Uni and surrounding areas drinking every flavor of bubble tea and eating wonderfully tasty gluten-free treats called Bondi Balls (imagine a baseball sized craisin and macademaia nut cookie dough mound). On day one we took the grueling ten minute bus ride to Surfer’s Paradise. Well, what they should call it is Jess’ Paradise. Let me see if I can paint you a picture. As we stepped off the bus we were immediately in front of Hard Rock: points. At this time some (southern rock junkies) might be distracted by the techno blaring everywhere, but I say just pump your fist and go with it. Immediately to the left is Tiffany’s, then Fendi, Gucci, Prada, and Louis Vuitton: double points. After 100 yards of walking this isle of retail heaven we encountered true paradise, the beach. I immediately marveled at the softness of the sand and the huge waves: the game-ender. Now I got my lifesaving done when I was 16 years old and I was not about to venture past my waist for fear that I would get my scrawny American ass pummeled. Now add some surfers to the mix…sure why not?!

Another of my highlights was our chill day at the campus pool. I was staggered that unlike at NEU they didn’t card you, scan it to make sure, then hold your ID captive until you left. After about 20 minutes of soaking up the rays, I just happened to open my eyes to a speedo-clad, tanned body that put David Beckham’s to shame. Welcome to Bond Uni, Jess!!! Jackie joined us after class and proceeded to show all the Australians how America kicked their butts in Olympic swimming. While cheering on our fellow triathlete, Cait and I learned a valuable lesson. Black ants bite too; I still have the red welt on my booty to prove it. Don’t worry we showed that bastard who was boss.

After so many tough culture shocks (think surfers, speedos, bondi balls, and killer ants) I needed a little bit of America. More than happy to indulge my every wish, my wingwomen took me to the mall where we purchased Cadbury cream eggs, got manicures and pedicures by Asian women, ate some delicious fro-yo, and went to see He’s Just Not That Into You. When we got home we transformed into Australian’s Next Hot Shits within 17 minutes in order to make our dinner reservation. When we got to Riverview “all dolled up” we promptly ordered champagne and were asked approximately six times if we were waiting for someone or celebrating, to which we decided that we were celebrating how unbelievably fabulous we are. As always, dinner conversation was engaging and deep with talk of who had the best “he’s just not that into you” situation. Although the competition was steep (trust me, I’m attempting a reunion with my oldest brother’s college roommate), Caitlin won, hands down, with the trunk story.
Onward to Brisbane where I proceeded to be staggered by our anger management skills. Between the deaf/dumb/blind/Sarah Palin-opinionated cabbie taking us to Taylor Swift and the mean tweens and moms, we not only held onto our dignity without knocking someone out, we didn’t even POCKETSAND any young girls. BTW Cait’s posting a vid of Taylah singing “Shoulda Said No,” check it out…phenomenal!

I can’t compare to Cait’s literary genius in her artful description of Sydney (“It has the grandeur of New York, the history and personality of Boston, and the beaches of California”). Therefore I’ll jump in with our second day in Syd, spent at Bondi Beach. With its fantastic nachos, gorgeous cliff walk, and yet more surfer guys, Bondi was the perfect spot to pass out after a couple of mediocre night’s sleep in a row. Laden with sand and sunscreen, me and the two most amazing friends a girl could ask for grabbed my too heavy bag and went to the airport. After a sobbing, tearful send off, stumbling my way to the gate, I was on my way back to the States. Now here I am missing the girls, weather, culture, kind stranger, bondi balls, bubble tea, inside jokes, surfers, Lee and Jamie, and I’m jetlagged, and yet it was the absolute best vacation I’ve ever had…and I went to Bora Bora for my 21st birthday!

Cultural observations and other anecdotes:

-After telling seven different Aussies that I am in college, a good friend kindly clued me in that college = high school, no wonder I kept getting carded despite the 18+ drinking age

-Having had taken mostly family-funded vacations in the past, I assumed that hostels were essentially the same as hotels with different spelling. CLOSE, the main difference is that the bathrooms are communal, bunk beds and bed bugs happen, there aren’t only men in your room, but they are creepy old dudes, and, gasp, there aren’t always mirrors!

-If you do something scandalous, namely walk up to random guy and start making out with him with *NSYNC karaoke in the background, simply preface the action by saying “I’m on holiday”. Excuses everything.

-I mentioned how friendly Aussies are, however if a male flight attendant slips an extra dark chocolate in your hand, you may or may not be in for some random play. ENJOY!